There was a time when I used to enjoy playing the piano. It was a time when my heart was able to be serene and focused, for it was a time when nothing outside of home really mattered. Though the technical aspect of piano playing, such as the Czerny etudes and scales, were indeed tedious, I found joy in creating music.

Then came the endless waves of school work, social interactions, boy problems, etc, etc. There was rarely a moment that I could just sit in front of my piano without wondering what I could be doing, what she could be doing, or what he could be doing. My piano became a sore sight - it was a daily burden knowing that I had to sacrifice at least one hour each day to practice. An hour in which I could have talked to so and so online; an hour I could have used more “productively.” Practice times became more and more sporadic, and when I did practice, it was an extremely half-hearted attempt. (Half the time was spent running back to my room to check on my ever-lit laptop.)

Slowly and surely, dust collected on the piano. The heavy cover remained closed more often than it was open, and the sallow sheet music sat quietly on the stand. There were simply too many things to be done in my seemingly busy life. How could I spare an hour of my life each day when I had so many conversations to attend to, so many assignments to complete, and only 24 hours each day? 

Of course, as I recapture this mentality right now, I can only sadly laugh at my foolishness. The grades I strived so hard to earn, the relationships I pursued so desperately to gain - these things did not satisfied me as much as I had imagined they would. Many things in which I invested much time did not come to fruition, and ultimately, I lost more than I gained. 

As I sit at the piano now with my stiff fingers, I see all the things that I’ve lost even more clearly. I’ve lost the practice of discipline, the peace of mind, the ability of creation. My fingers clumsily cling to the keys, and I realize that I’ve lost a form of expression that I used to love. So many things I could have retained if I had spent that daily one hour for the past three years. I want to return to that time when I could enjoy time away from the world and it’s endless problems.